The flood of American communists sneaking across the border into Canada has intensified in the past week, sparking calls for increased patrols to stop the illegal immigration. The recent actions of the Tea Party movement are prompting an exodus among Left-leaning citizens who fear they’ll soon be required to hunt, pray, and agree with Ron Paul or Rush
Limbaugh.
Canadian border farmers say it’s not uncommon to see dozens of sociology professors, gay-rights and animal-rights activists plus Unitarians crossing their fields at night. “I went out to milk the cows the other day, and there was a Hollywood producer huddled in the barn,” said Manitoba farmer Red Greenfield, whose acreage borders North Dakota .
“The producer was cold, exhausted and hungry. He asked me if I could spare a latte and some free-range chicken. When I said I didn’t have any, he left before I even got a chance to show him my screenplay.”
He then installed loudspeakers that blared Rush Limbaugh across the fields. “Not real effective,” he said. “The communists still got through and Rush annoyed the cows so much that they wouldn’t give any milk.”
Officials are particularly concerned about smugglers who meet communists near the Canadian border, pack them into Volvo station wagons and drive them across the border where they are simply left to fend for themselves. “A lot of these people are not prepared for our rugged conditions,” an Ontario border patrolman said. “I found one carload in a
Prius without a single bottle of imported drinking water. They did have a nice little Napa Valley cabernet, though.”
When American communists are caught they’re sent back across the border, often wailing loudly that they fear retribution from conservatives. Rumors have been circulating about plans being made to build re-education camps where communists will be forced to drive American-made cars, drink domestic beer and watch NASCAR races wearing t-shirts emblazoned with the Confederate flag.
In recent days, communists have turned to ingenious ways of crossing the border. Some have been disguised as senior citizens taking a bus trip to buy cheap Canadian prescription drugs. After catching a half-dozen young vegans in powdered wig disguises, Canadian immigration authorities began
stopping buses and quizzing the supposed senior-citizens about Perry Como and Rosemary Clooney to prove that they were alive in the 1950′s. “If they can’t identify the accordion player on The Lawrence Welk Show, we become very suspicious about their age,” an official said.
Canadian citizens have complained that the illegal immigrants are creating an organic-broccoli shortage and are renting all the Michael Moore movies. “I really feel sorry for American communists, but the Canadian economy just can’t support them,” an Ottawa resident said. “How many art-history and sociology majors does one country need?”
In an effort to ease tensions between the United States and Canada, Vice President Biden met with the Canadian ambassador Gary Doer and pledged that his administration would take steps to reassure American leftists. A source close to President Hussein Obama said, “We’re going to have
some Paul McCartney and Peter, Paul & Mary concerts; and we might even put some endangered species on new postage stamps. The President is determined to reach out,” he said.
-Author Unknown
reposted from The Southern Partisan Reader